Wearing a dress is a bit like wearing a socially acceptable nighty out doors.
when ur mum starts asking u things just as uve woken up
i went to a party and put 3 whole loaves of sliced bread all around the house i put bread under the kid’s pillow and in all 3 of his bathrooms, in his rugby shorts and the breast pocket of his school shirt, on his roof and his neighbor’s roof, in his couch and on his tv i’m laughing so hard he’s going to wake up hungover tomorrow and be like why the fuck is there bread everywhere
i’m pissing myself
"text me when you get home so i know you’re safe" kinda people are the people i wanna be around
google chrome incognito is like that really cool aunt who won’t tell your parents about your dirty secrets thanks aunt google
Me trying to open any plastic package: “how in the..gotdam…”
this has gone too far
Me when learning to drive.